It no longer makes sense...

Why is that when I'm down I just take hit after hit after hit? Why can't I get a break? A few days ago I stopped seeing the light at the end of the tunnel (even so, that light was already lights years away). It doesn't even feel like a tunnel anymore, It's just this dark abyss with no light coming from anywhere. It feels like Im walking in a cold dark swamp, tired, looking for some light, but I can't find any.
My mother died 6 months and 8 days ago, and about now I'm starting to realize how important that is, and how it killed me. Yup, it killed me, there's no bouncing back out of this one. And don't think It was allright before that. It wasnt. I was suffering from a strong depression, staying isolated in my room for months, couldn't find a job, I had no energy most of the time, me and my family had alot of financial problems (and still have) and then this happened. The only person who cared the most and had an Idea on how I felt passed away. And I'm left here, bouncing off invisible walls, wasting my youth and anything that I have good in me, if I still have anyting.

And if that wasn't enough, I left my family and went to another country. I went to UK to have a job and make some money. And what did I get? The worst fucking job in the world and one of the sources for my depression: my sister's alcoholic violent husband who I feel forced to share the roof with. And it just topped it off, It dropped me stone cold dead. I feel like death will be the only thing that releases me from this monster who is possess
ing me. Please God, help me, I don't be here anymore.